Pastor Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo has warned women against remaining in abusive or destructive relationships while convincing themselves that it is their responsibility to change the man.
Speaking strongly about unhealthy relationships, she said:
“You will be killing yourself over someone who is not killing himself for you.”
She pointed to situations where women remain with men who cheat, beat them, take their money or repeatedly mistreat them, yet still believe they have been “sent” to rescue or transform the relationship.
In one example, she described a woman whose husband later became physically violent. According to Mildred, the warning signs had already appeared while they were dating because he would hit walls whenever he became angry.
Her response was direct:
“So when there’s no wall, what will he hit?”
She argued that uncontrolled anger and violent behaviour should not be romanticized or excused as something a partner must endure until the person changes.
Mildred also rejected the idea that a woman is responsible for a man’s violent reaction simply because she upset him.
“Must the temper that you made him lose, must he find it on you?” she asked.
Her message was ultimately a warning against normalizing abuse and a reminder that no relationship should require someone to accept being beaten, battered or repeatedly harmed in the name of love, patience or spirituality.