Fumbi Olaolu: Farters, Singers & Belchers… Here Are 10 Tips on Public Transport Etiquette You Should Be Aware Of

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It is hard enough that one has to go through the daily hustle(s) of Lagos. The ever-constant traffic, waking up donkey hours before actual work hours – just to beat as much traffic as you can, and then the risk of getting rumpled before getting to work. Or your perfume even wearing off, because of all the body rubs you get in transit; then fast forward to the close of work and repeat the same process again!

Chai…every prayer point I write these days has to include the provision of a car, preferably one with air conditioning and enough money to keep up with the fuel price hike; because the struggle is too real and sometime just annoying/hilarious (yes, the feelings are very mixed)

So please dear fellow public transport users, let’s make life easier on each other, the craziness of the bus drivers who drive as though they are transporting cows and not human beings plus that of the conductors is bad enough as it, please don’t come and add your own ill-manner(s) to it, biko…so here are some guides as to how to conduct ourselves in a public transport and a little something for the transporters too 

• Do not chew gum loudly while in the bus! It’s annoying.

• If you must play music, please use earphones.

• And when you notice that someone else is already playing music out loud, don’t start your own too and start confusing everyone’s ears.

• Do not open only your own side of the window and seal off the other person in front – as if they are allergic to fresh air.

• If you’re on the big side, please be considerate to the lighter people next to you don’t squash them just ’cause they look like stick #skinnylivesmattertoo

• Do not laugh loudly like an hyena (especially if you’re on a call)

• Point taken we know you can sing, so please save your voice practical for your church rehearsals or your bathrooms.

• If you start a small talk and it’s not getting on well do not push it.

• Don’t assume everyone in the bus is Yoruba.

• Mind your language, someone might be fasting next to you (all ye public cursers.)

• Be your brother’s keeper if you’ve heard that a particular person needs to stop somewhere, if they dose off, it wouldn’t kill you to wake them up so they don’t miss their stop.

• Because someone is indecently dressed does not give you the license to disrespect them.

• If you must sleep, biko arrange yourself well (don’t start nodding off on everyone’s shoulders anyhow)

• Don’t assume everyone is accommodating. So if you have have excess luggage or plenty kids buy an extra seat if you can’t afford, ask nicely first and don’t insult them ,if they refuse to help you lap your kid.

• Avoid staring at people awkwardly.

• Don’t disrespect a fellow passenger because she is a woman, married or unmarried.

• If you have a cough, be courteous enough to own a handkerchief (don’t come and spread bacteria everywhere.)

• You know you have a leaky bladder, don’t eat the whole street before and while on the bus.

• All you all who fart silently on buses, God is watching you (gross much)

• Please avoid eating foods with very strong odours it might be irritating to some people.

• DO NOT SPIT OUT THE WINDOW OR BLOW YOUR NOSE OUT THE WINDOW, THAT’S JUST DISGUSTING!

• Ladies please check that your wearing comfortable clothes, avoid embarrassments please. Lagosians, especially, can be are rude.

• On no condition should you allow yourself to be dragged into a public fight especially on a bus.

• If you have a sweaty body, epp! us wear long sleeve or at least three quarters or a scarf it’s not nice sweating all over other people.

• Let’s be a bit tidy. Refuse can be left on the bus, please don’t throw it out on the street. It could cause an accident (seriously speaking)

• Driversm please you are driving human brings not cows or provisions, drive the vehicle with sense and caution and not like a wheelbarrow. God bless you.

Whew! I shall poz (pause) here for now…you can tell I have a lot of grievances with public transport, we pray that God answers the call for a car very soon.

Cheers

STOP!!!
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