If you count yourself among the countless Americans anxious about voting for the lesser of two evils in the 2016 presidential election, Rapzilla is proud to present a qualified write-in candidate: Marty of the Social Club Misfits.
If you vote Marty in November over Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and third-party candidates, not only the United States, but the world, too, will be a better place. Here are three reasons why Marty is our best bet to make America great for once.
1. You can’t spell America without Marty.
Marty is so America, he and FERN named their last group album after the U.S.
Did Kanye ever do that?
2. Marty is change we can believe in.
Whether you approve of President Barack Obama or not, we can all agree, after eight years, we could use a change of pace from a commander-in-chief with the most swag in White House history.
What this nation needs is less swag, more awkward. Marty makes George W. Bush look like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
3. Marty possesses Putin’s kryptonite.
Russian President Vladimir Putin’s reputation is not phenomenal. You could call him a pineapple, even.
“For many Americans, Vladimir Putin is perceived as some kind of international boogeyman, with alleged links to nefarious plots all over the world,” The Washington Post said.
Trump has declared that he and Putin would get along, therefore bettering America’s relationship with Russia. Trump’s evidence as to why they’d get along, though, is lacking.
Marty, on the other hand, has a well-documented history of sharing a similar appreciation with Putin, which would speedily prompt peace.
How to support the paws/cause.
For the cost of one Harriet Tubbman, you can purchase this hat, and your life can serve a purpose.
This is satire. Marty is 29. He’s too young to run for president.